The Menopausal Woman
I have been noticing lately a few posts on Facebook from friends that are starting to suffer with symptoms of the menopause. I wanted to bring a little fun to this not so nice time of life and some joy and laughter to my friends. Not my usual kind of poem but those of you that know me on a personal level know that I have a bit of a funny side to me also and like to have fun and laught. please enjoy and let me know what you thought of it.
The Menopausal Woman
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,
The things that I must do.
As I start to get a bit older,
I am always on the loo.
Things just aren’t what they used to be
Menopause is such a pain.
My thighs have turned to jelly
Covered in spidery little veins.
I have to re-adjust myself
My bras just never fit.
While once they were all nice and snug
Now there’s one much bigger tit.
My boobs are all lopsided
and descending towards my knees
I need to stand and cross my legs
Every time I bloody sneeze.
Don’t talk to me about bloating
Wow, my stomach’s like a balloon
I haven’t even eaten.
I just hope it bursts real soon.
And then there is the itching,
My skins all dry and cracked.
I feel like I have scabies
Not kidding you, this is fact.
I washed my hair this morning
In the shower as you do.
Clumps of hair going down the drain
As I rinse off the shampoo.
Sleep patterns are non-existent
A couple of hours here or there.
Wide awake in the middle of the night
It’s getting so hard to bear.
Oh no! I just stood up too quick.
My head is spinning round.
Hey there! Steady up old girl
Before you hit the ground.
I start to do the washing
Then next I have the broom
Oops I forgot to turn the machine on
As I flit from room to room.
Who turned the fucking heat up
I wipe my sweating brow.
My thermostat just hit “extreme”
I need a nice cold shower.
They say age is just a number
But I would like to hit reverse.
Inside I’m still a teenager
Oh, Menopause it’s just a curse.
So, come on ladies tell me
What the fuck is going on.
Do you have the same problem?
Are all your functions going wrong?
Dear God, what was you thinking?
When you designed the womans life.
First the periods and puberty
bringing nothing but trouble and strife.
Then you hit us with the pregnancy
Not a walk in the park
Stretchmarks and fat swollen feet,
Cravings and milk flow all leave their mark.
Then Just when life gets easy,
Kids are grown and move away.
You hit us with the menopause
Oh! here we go, happy days.
So, remember all you men out there
When you say she likes to whinge.
Don’t you think that she has reason?
This would make you all start to cringe.
© Beverley Chance 2017
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